Learn to play an instrument?

So, if I'm not sure about learning a new language, how about I learn to play a musical instrument?

As some reading this will know, I am a musician - a composer - and have, as a result, played a variety of instruments (to varying degrees of success) over the years.

As a kid I learnt to play brass. Initially I was a cornet player in a local brass band, then I moved on to euphonium and, eventually, at the age of 15, to tuba. I was a pretty good tuba player, passing my Grade 8 (with distinction!) and then doing the ARCM performing diploma. I wasn't the cliché oompah tuba player and did, in fact, not only perform in bands and orchestras, but also performed concertos and solo recitals whilst at university. But I didn't want to be a professional tuba player and I lacked the dedication necessary to practise for hour after hour and make it into a career. My tuba now lives in the cellar and comes out maybe a couple of times a year at most.

I had piano lessons too. I was never very good at piano. I didn't start having piano lessons until I was 15. I came home from school one day and my parents had bought a piano and arranged for me to have a teacher because I "seemed to be taking this music thing quite seriously and it might be useful"!

It's a shame. It felt like a crash course in piano. I had to learn rapidly to try to catch up. By the time I stopped having lessons (two years later) I had passed Grade V and failed Grade VI. I don't do failure well and so that was that! Still, it taught me a lot. It was like the 18 months I learnt Latin,
I didn't become proficient in that specific skill but, I believe, I learnt a lot that helped me in other areas of music.

While in 6th form I had half a dozen lessons on the double bass so that I could play it in the college's big band. I enjoyed double bass (and have played it a few times over the years) but still prefer pizzicato playing to using the bow which, I don't think it's an overstatement, I always found a little awkward and bewildering.

I also played alto saxophone for a couple of years while I was in secondary school. I guess I wanted to play a cool instrument and saxophone has to be one of the coolest around. However, while being a good saxophonist is undoubtedly cool, while you're still learning you sound more like a wounded gnu shot on the Serengeti - and that is anything but cool!

As a result of being a teacher and playing in the pit for various shows, I've obviously had a go at (and performed publicly on) things like percussion (particularly timpani), accordion (in the days before keyboards were as good as they are today for a church organ effect) and, of course, I conduct.

Conducting is fab. I just love it. And, naturally, the best sort of conducting is conducting your own composition (I hate attending performances of my own music when I have no control and it's all in the hands of someone else - absolutely hate it!).

So, I guess, I could learn a new instrument or, perhaps, take one of the I detriments I've dabbled with before and try to improve - maybe I could pass that Grade VI piano exam?

If I were to learn a new instrument what would it be?

I've always liked the idea of learning to play the guitar, but, when I've tried, I've always found the left hand position just bizarre and unnatural.

Everyone these days (yes, everyone - how dare you think I'm exaggerating!) seems to play the ukulele. I presume, although it has the same left hand positional problems of the guitar, it's that bit easier because of its size and because of only having 4 strings. But do I want to join the cult of the ukulele - a cult growing more rapidly than the Moonies? Maybe not.

What else is there?

• Didgeridoo? Not a fan of circular breathing.

• Wobble board? No, I'm not Rolf Harris.

• Ophicleide? Rather limited performance opportunities!

• Stylophone? I refer you to my answer to wobble board!

Well, it's something I'll keep thinking about, but maybe my 50 things need to be a little further away from my natural habitat as a musician?