Learn a new language?

Amongst the suggestions I've received about things I could include in my list of 50 things to do has been to learn a new language. Now, considering my general inability to learn languages this would be quiet a challenge!

At school, I learnt French and Latin. I was fairly hopeless at both (though, in my defence, the Latin was a crash course from complete starter to O-level in a little over 18 months). I ended up having to "double enter" myself (no, that's not a dodgy porn term for those of you too young to remember the days before GCSEs, which was a good job as I failed the O-level but got a CSE grade 1 (the Uni I went to required all undergrads to have a language at O-level or "O-level equivalent"!

I loved Latin. I loved the logic and rigour. I loved that it enabled me to understand lots of languages, at least in written form. I genuinely wish that I'd been taught Latin instead of French from Year 7. Michael Gove, the often moronic Education Secretary, is right on one thing: school kids should be taught Latin - not because of any harping back to a by-gone era but because it is a fantastic grounding in a number of modern languages.

Let's be honest, French and German are pointless languages to learn today - German in particular. There are few languages that have any great purpose now that the Internet has underlined in bold the superiority of English as the international language. It is a dreadful failure of the British education system, and a betrayal of children, that, in many schools French and German are still the main foreign languages being taught. Why does this happen? Because too many MFL departments and teachers are stuck in the world of the 1930s -1950s when those languages seemed important. They're not. Schools must change.

So what are the useful languages? Obviously English (though I feel I get by in that and can't really have learning English as a new skill for my 50 things to do). Beyond English and Latin, I think schools, if they are to teach modern foreign languages (and I do think that shouldn't be an assumed position) then the languages should be Mandarin, Russian and, of course, Spanish. I guess, with the rise of Brazil as a major economic force some would argue that Portuguese should be taught too, but that, like German, is a language of very restricted geographical use and a solid grounding in Latin (and Spanish) would enable a rapid conversion to Portuguese should it be needed).

But maybe a language doesn't have to be useful? Maybe I should learnt a minority language just because it might be fun, an intellectual exercise. Really? A language that doesn't aid communication of understanding is, surely, a waste of time. I do often think that some of the minority languages should just be allowed to die out. If evolution is good for animals and plants, then why not languages too?

Let's be honest, the money wasted in Wales, the North of Scotland and Ireland on having dual-language signs everywhere is absolutely idiotic when so few people speak these dead (or, at very least, terminally ill) languages. Fine, a few enthusiasts can keep it going, a scholar or two research and study these painfully minor languages but to waste time, effort and tax payers money trying to prop up languages that are well past their sell by date is plain dumb. Let Welsh die. Let Gaelic slowly drift off this mortal coil. Lets allow language to evolve, be vibrant and move with the times. How much is wasted making road signs in Wales dual language and teaching pupils to speak an utterly pointless language because it seems the "right on" thing to do? Wouldn't that money be better spent teaching children better English, or useful languages for the 21st and 22nd centuries?

I did, briefly, start learning Esperanto as a kid. I got a book and worked my way through it. I loved the simplicity of it, the regular symmetry of the grammar, the fact there were no exceptions to rules and, of course, an international language appeals enormously to the idealist in me. However, particularly since the World Wide Web (and, to be fair, since the USA became a world power) there is a world language: English.

Yes, when visiting other countries we should all try to learn some key phrases and be able to say hello, please, thank you, etc. in the local tongue but, in my experience, within seconds the locals will detect I'm English, appreciate my flawed attempt at their language and then converse with me in my language. It's not arrogant or imperialist, I do feel guilty about it, but, through an accident of birth, the language I was taught as a child us the predominant world language.

So, do I learn a new one as one of my 50 things to do? I'm not sure. I think I need to be convinced. Which language would make sense for me to learn? I'm open to suggestions (though I don't want to even attempt whichever language is all clicking noises!).